Yaad toh bhut aati hai par kuch kar nahi sakte… Chahte tumhe bhut hai par iss chahat me bandhke reh nahi sakte…
Esa lagta hai ki hum dono ke iss rishte ko meri hi nazar lagi hai…..Tumhe socha karte the par abh yeh samay agaya hai ki dil chahata hai ki tumhe na soche…Jane kya ho gaya hai iss dil ko jo pehle ek pal bhi tumhare bina bechain ho jata tha… kya yeh woh hi mann hai jo abh tumhare ek jhalak se ghabrata hai..bas chahata hai ki tumse dur chala jae….yeh aakhe bhi tumhara deedar nahi karna chahati hai…
Kaha gaye woh tumhare sang ghoomne ki chahat… woh kashish jo mujhe tumhare pass rehne pe majbur karti thi…
Log kahte hai ki sabh wahi hai kuch nahi badla hai.. siwai mere aur tumhare………..
January was inching towards End Sems. The climate was typical Chennaian winter. Studies for end sems was nowhere in the frame till the night before the exam. We were living a perfect college life.
There was nothing unusual about the day, all was going on monotonously except one incident which took place while scrolling down my inbox when an usual face with an unusual text poped out. It was her’s insisting for evening walks after the exam hours. The idea sounded brilliant to me. I was excited to meet her then. At the same time was worried about my preparation. But it was obvious to sacrifice them for her.
We usually used to meet up at 8th floor where she used to wait for me by the window sill peeping out to reach to that orange sun which used to wrap her in its orange aura. From where I used to take that orange beauty for walks.
While passing through the crowded corridors filled with the noise of discussions and with the exam review her company used to be soothing and I used to be so facinated by her company that all these talks doesn’t bothered me, moreover it was inaudible for me at that point of time.
She always started off by complaining about the tough paper and her bad fortune. To which I used to just smile on and asks her to forget all the worries about the subject and advised her to enjoy the beautiful nature along the long and green pathways which welcomed us with sweet chirping and cool fresh breeze.
We both enjoyed each others presence, it seemed as if we were surrouded by tranquility. She used to speak a lot, and I silently observed her speaking. It was like my silence was conversing with her. We were so used to each other that it was almost impossible to imagine the walk without any of us.
While walking on those long and lonely pathways, she used to talk a lot about her family, especially her mother. All of her talks were relevant to my thoughts and my life. It seemed as if some common link was in-between us which was bonding us so tightly. I used to analyse and observe her every small sentence so that I could mould myself to be perfect for her.
Nothing seemed more interesting than being together those days. I tried my best to make her comfortable about her being important to me. She also understood all my feels but she used to make dumb faces as she knew nothing. Her nothingness was the main reason behind my evening walks.
Those short walks usually ended on a sad note where we parted away at the hostel gate signing off for the day. Which was actually not so as she always ordered me to be active on mobile as everyday she was left with something left undiscussed during the walks. We both were so dumb and innocent at that time. I wish that this time could rebound and I could go on enjoying that time forever….
I am very happy and excited to share the link to my new Facebook page(Life A Blog)….
You all can catch up with all my blogs on the page as well as my WordPress..
Please do take a look at that and reply with the suggestion to improve the same…
Life A Blog-This is link…
Here is the link…https://facebook.com/mylifeablogmr.lonely
It was 4 am I knew its time to wake up and my alarm too was aware of its job but before it was able to influence me I put down my alarm on snooze and dozed off untill a call came advising me to get up and be ready. I was aware that I need to complete my promise anyhow. He gave me about 20 mins to be ready to leave for airport. We started off for the airport, my friend was going home and I was accompanying him to the airport. It was lazy morning as sun was still off-duty which is quite unusual for a Chennai Morning.
He reached the enterance at 5:45 am but it took us another 30 mins to snail upto the T-3 terminal.
We goofed around here and there for a little while then I left him for his boarding. Seeing him go I was unable to resist myself from reaching to the ticket counter and enquire for a ticket to my place. I was despirate to go home that if it was possible I was ready to go then also without proper gear and accesories. But to my luck it was not possible at that moment of time so I unwillingly paced back towards the local station and grabbed a ticket to my college.
It was a cloudy morning with cool breeze blowing. I seated myself beside a window and enjoyed the scenetic morning. I enjoyed the smooth cold breeze through my hairs which rejuvenated me from head to toe.
I got down at my station and advanced towards mess to have breakfast as I had merely 4 pints of cola last night. I called the friend while having breakfast. He was having doughnut while I was eating toast with butter………. We both were hungry….
“Please, let’s go somewhere! Let’s go for an outing”, she said. I agreed as I wished to spend sometime with her. We were very cheerful as well as confused where to go. As most of the places were already closed and others were already explored. The time was not sufficient for long distance journey so after a great cumbersome discussion we agreed to explore a new land which was completely full of surprises for both of us.
We started of on a non-conventional rail route. It was so smoothly going we were experiencing peace as well as excitement about the journey. I was overwhelmed by her company. Meanwhile we discussed about each others family to spend the time. Then we got down at a very beautiful station which was surrounded by hills on one side and lake on its other side. We sat on one of the benches and enjoyed nature’s beauty even on the crowded station. We felt nothing except the serenity and her.
I asked her ” Are you not uncomfortable going out with a person whom you don’t know so much?” (At that time we were not that close friends). To which she beautifully replied “I trust you more than me that’s why I am here with you.” At that moment I realised that we mutually enjoyed each other’s company and she trusts me.
The time passed by talking about upcoming trips which we were to enjoy together and also about the non-happening life at the college. Actually it was a necessary outing to get some time out of that hectic life and be with someone you looked upon to spend life with.
This was just a small step in strengthening our relation. The surroundings were apt to express my innate feelings but due to my intovert nature and underconfidence I was unable to let them out again. It was clear from her face that she would be feeling that I was not so gutsy to tell her but actually I feared loosing her just for my sake.
The sun was setting down deep inside the lake layering the whole canvas orange mesmering all the biosphere creating a persona of love and care. We waited for the train sat back in it and started long journey back to that monotonous life. Neither of us spoke for the whole journey, we just smiled to each other without even establishing eye-contact with each other it was a completely alien and weird feeling to me as an individual. The time passed by at a pace. We both didn’t remember the in-between stations. Finally we got off the train. Unwilling to part away I left her in front of her hostel with a awkward smile and byee.
This starting was too promising for my future with you…..
(Part before ‘The Turning Point’)
Part 3/3-Love doesn’t permits a Hug
That Sunday evening while wandering through the corridores of my workplace suddenly from nowhere a notification appeared stating a affectionate ‘Hiee!!’ from my only love. We just casually started conversation. My first anxiety was to enquiring her about ‘ how the jhumkis justiced her kiddish face’. Her reply appeared to me as if she was deeply impressed as she beautifully and innocently replied “ Sacrifice always pays more than its worth !”
We promised to be with each other on our next venturing. To build upon we discussed on my ‘lone’ adventure hunt for ‘jhunkis’. She was so willing and determinant that she felt as if we both were present at that moment in that busy corridor like market place out for shopping. Never missing on any possible opportunity for thanking me , she made me so special that it was not permissible to let the moment pass by so easily.
At last she could not resist herself from asking me ‘what I wanted from her as a small thanks giving present’. To which I hesitatedly and hastly reply with much of anticipation “A mesmerising deep Hug from my love”.
There was a long phase of silence which seemed as if millennium had passed by at last she replied ” Please, ask for something else!”. My obvious reaction was ‘Why?’. Her reply was instantaneous and harsh. She replied “I would have to ask my boyfriend for this”. What was she saying? Was she serious? What on earth was happening? Why she was doing this to me? Why only me?
I was completely shattered, broken from inside with only tears all over to celebrate as a return gift for all my love for her. It all seemed as my mind was washed, it felt all blank inside to such an extent that I was unable to recollect and convince myself on such a major catastrophe.
But as it is said “Everything to be perfect is a myth” turned right for me. She was indeed serious to an unimaginable extent. I was so depressed and hurted that I refused to face the reality and even was not able to establish eye-contact with her. At last nothing was left except a long and never ending period of repentance and self-reassirance. I was totalled by an infinite sea of depression. I knew it would be a long way for me to let her go. I doubted its possibility but have no choice either. At last I valiantly decided to submitively signoff by saying “I will always respect you and your love”.
My first ‘I Love You’ indeed turned last for me….
”I was not strong enough to express my love but my love is strong enough to express me!”
(Thank you Folks for reading….
This is end of ‘The Turning Point’
There is much more….)